Birthday party

My youngest son was four on Sunday.

We had a party for him and all his friends and family were there. He beamed his way through the whole day - proudly wearing his new Ben 10 T-shirt and clutching his new Ben 10 wallet.

All day I watched him running around excitedly and wondered where those last four years had gone and tried to remember what he looked like when I first set eyes on him exactly four years ago to the day.

Isn't it wierd how the memories of our children become foggy. We watch them growing every day and yet it's almost impossible to picture them clearly at the various stages they go through.

I felt so nostalgic all day... and I wondered whether I'll feel like this on every birthday. So pleased to see him growing up healthy and happy... so sad to see the time passing so quickly. Although I really don't want to return to the days of nappies and changing bags and pushchairs and bottles... part of me mourns its passing too.

What a contradiction it is to be a mother. We want them to grow, we want a little bit of life back, and yet we want to hang on to every moment too.

So it's with a tear in my eye that I say "Happy birthday to my gorgeous (big) little boy!" x